Entrepreneur Peter Barton was at the top of the world.
Until he wasn’t.
Barton lived a life that everyone dreamed of, took pretty damn good for themselves and was a great husband and father for his family.
And then on a fateful day his world was crushed:
A terminal diagnosis of cancer.
Work became less important, other experiences stopped holding meaning; He tried to pick up the pieces while he mourned in a future that he could not live. He would not see his children grow up or grow old with his wife.
Barton shared these thoughts and experiences in an absolute heartbreaking book called Indiscriminate“ And one paragraph has always stayed with me.
One day Peter’s body was destroyed, collapsed on the cancer, his head hurt and his mind was lower than ever. Defeated, he said to his supporting woman:
“I just don’t see the point.”
She replied, “So find one.”
Finding the point became the point.
Barton was sentenced to life imprisonment and chose “to find the point of life” by writing a book that his children could read. A book that can read and analyze the meaning in their own lives.
I thought of “finding the point was the point”, while I reviewed one of my favorite books, inspired by a recent episode about my friend Bretty McKay’s Art of masculinity podcast.
The search of man for meaning
Victor Frankl was a survivor from the Holocaust, psychotherapist and maker of a kind of therapy called “Logotherapy”.
After surviving the horrors of Auschwitz and other concentration camps, he wrote the first design for his book, The search of man for meaning“ In nine days.
He was even planning to publish it anonymously, but at the last minute he was convinced to attach his name to add some gravity to his survival story.
Since then it has been more than 16 million copies to be sold and to be translated into 50+ languages.
Frankl’s minds, logotherapy, is built around the idea that “the meaning of life is to find the meaning of life for each individual person. He often refers to the famous saying of Nietzsche:
“He who has a why to live for can almost tolerate anyway.”
In this book Frankl explains his thoughts and reflections about life while he saw thousands of people dying or killed.
What is most striking in this short book is the ability of Frankl to find meaning and hope of humanity in the midst of one of the worst human atrocities ever.
The second half of the book delves deeper into ‘Logotherapy’, and encourages us to find our own specific ‘meaning’.
“The meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour.
What therefore matters is therefore not the meaning of life in general, but rather the specific meaning of the life of a person at some point. ‘
You may not be diagnosed with terminal cancer, nor the atrocities of a concentration camp.
But there has probably been a point in your life where you ask: “Why on earth do I do what I do?”
We can think that asking the question means that something is wrong with us. That we don’t live in the moment. That we need help.
Frankl feels different. He thinks asking this question is crucial and healthy:
“The biggest task for every person is to find meaning in his or her life.”
What if having that uncomfortable conversation with yourself was actually part of the process?
What if asking that question was the point?
Your “big why”
We talk a lot about “What is your big why?” Here in the Nerd Fitness -Rebellie.
If we think logically about it, we try to force ourselves to do things We are not wired (or required) to do.
Naturally We do not want to burn extra calories, get up early to exercise and avoid our face with comfort food.
It requires extra effort, we must feel hungry, we have to change our behavior. And our brains don’t want to do that!
This may not be “meaning of life” type of things … but it is a really powerful memory to help us stay consistent if life will give us everything different than consistency:
- Why are we going to get up at 5 o’clock and go for a walk when it’s cold outside?
- Why do we say yes to salads and lean proteins when cookies and donuts exist?
- Why do we sweat (coarse) and do we pick up weights (uncomfortably)?
- Why do we force ourselves to breathe heavily and run a 5K or say yes to a yoga class where we feel deeply self -conscious?
We talk a lot about this Our coaching customers and members of the NF community:
A constant memory of WHY We do this can often be the thing that keeps us on the right track during those most difficult moments after the motivation is worn out:
Perhaps we want to break the generation cycle of an unhealthy relationship with food that we have learned from our parents.
We may want our children to see that we can be a strong mother, that it is good to sweat and push ourselves.
Maybe we want to feel better about ourselves when we look in the mirror, or that we know that we always feel better after a training then we felt for A training?
Your challenge this week is to wonder why you are here:
- Why are you willing to go through the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings associated with change?
- Why are you willing to try to learn a new skill, or to adapt how you eat?
- Why are you willing to get up early and spend less time on your couch?
Stay deeper with your reasons. Keep asking ‘why’ and see what comes out.
Write it down.
Put it on a post-it note and stick one on your fridge, bathroom mirror, autodashboard.
-Steve
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